Funny Life Quotes

There is a huge stock of short as well as long funny life quotes available on Internet. And the best part is that most of websites on Internet provide them free of cost. Some of the websites add new quote regularly so that you won’t get bored reading the same stuff over and over again. So make happy your life by enjoying Funny Life Quotes here.

Today life is busy and everyone is as busy as ever. No body has much time for fun and humor. So we need something which can make us laugh out loud in short period of time. And what could best option than funny life quotes.

Life is funny some times and these funny life quotes–from comedians, cartoonists and others–will bring on a smile.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~ Erma Bombeck

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its students.
~ Author Unknown

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different.
~ Bill Watterson

Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
~ Charles M. Schulz

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
~ Charles M. Schulz

I’m more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.
~ Cathy Guisewite

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
~ Charles M. Schulz

If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
~ Erma Bombeck

I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
~ Andy Rooney

Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician.
~ Author Unknown

Why do they call it rush hour when nothings moving?
~ Robin Williams

They say you die when it’s your time. What happens then when you’re on an airplane and it’s the pilot’s time?
~ Author Unknown

One of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
~ Author Unknown

Reality! What a concept!
~ Robin Williams

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
~ Robin Williams

I try not to worry about the future – so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.
~ Tom Wilson

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
~ Scott Adams

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
~ Bill Watterson

When life gives me lemons, I throw it at people I don’t like.
~ Author Unknown

Always remember you are unique, just like everybody else.
~ Author Unknown

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more birthdays live longer.
~ Author Unknown

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
~ Scott Adams

Comedy is tragedy—plus time.
~ Carol Burnett

The trouble with real life is there is no danger music.
~ Author Unknown

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
~ Jim Davis

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
~ Erma Bombeck

If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.
~ Hunter S. Thompson

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
~ Author Unknown

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.
~ Bill Watterson

Never say, “That won’t happen to me.” Life has a funny way of proving us wrong.
~ Author Unknown

How am I supposed to lose weight when the best part about life is food.
~ Author Unknown

You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.
~ Hunter S. Thompson

Never underestimate the power of weirdness. It can get you far in life.
~ Author Unknown

It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
~ Andy Rooney

When life gives you lemons, make lemon juice, then sit back and watch as everybody wonders how you did that.
~ Author Unknown

I’m so naturally funny because my life is a joke.
~ Author Unknown

Deja vu: When God thinks something is so funny, he’s got to rewind it to show his friends.
~ Author Unknown

Dear Life, when I say “Can my life get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
~ Author Unknown

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations.
~ Bill Watterson

Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.
~ Hunter S. Thompson

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
~ Dave Barry

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’
~ Charles M. Schulz

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
~ Robin William

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
~ Author Unknown

Have you ever just stopped and realized that if you hadn’t met a certain person in your life, your life would be totally different.
~ Author Unknown

Whatever you do in life, always give it 100%, unless you’re giving blood.
~ Author Unknown

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
~ Author Unknown

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
~ Scott Adams

We’re all lunatics, but he who is able to analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
~ Author Unknown

Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the fire hydrant.
~ Author Unknown

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone’s imagination.
~ Hunter S. Thompson

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
~ Bill Watterson

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
~ Fran Lebowitz

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.
~ Bill Watterson

We are all part of the ultimate statistic: 10 out of 10 people die.
~ Author Unknown

Life would be so much easier if everyone had the same cell phone charger.
~ Author Unknown

Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.
~ Cathy Guisewite

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
~ Erma Bombeck

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
~ Erma Bombeck

Funny Quotes And Sayings

Despite of being short, they are full of wit and humor and capable of making everyone burst with laughter. They are funniest amusing stuff ever that you are likely to read. They are literally eternal gems of wit and humor that will definitely evoke a lot of laughter and chase your blues far away from you.

History is full of amazing persons who have contributed hilarious Funny Life Quotes. There is no dearth of great personalities who have dazzled us with their extremely funny quotes. It is because of these great master minded geniuses short funny life quotes that makes us capable of getting through tough time.

They are very funny life quotes and take only few seconds to read them.

“Life is pain, princess. . . anyone who says differently is selling something.” –Wesley The Princess Bride

“Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?” –Bob Monkhouse

“Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing.” –Yiddish Proverb

“Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn’t matter. I’m not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn’t make us better, then what on earth is it for. ” –Alice Walker

“If we can’t be free, we at least can be cheap.” – Frank Zappa

“To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.” –Janet Coleman

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” –Anonymous

There are plenty of short funny quotes about life that make us rolling on floor with laughter. Here are few of them:

“The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.” –Andy Rooney

“Never measure the height of a mountain until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was.” –Anonymous

“Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.” –Everett McKinley Dirksen

“The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” –Louis E. Boone

“It wasn’t glamorous in my day. In the regions, reporters were seen as such low life that they didn’t merit their name in the Radio Times. Now people are interested in being famous. I never gave it a thought.” –Kate Adie quotes

“There are two times in every man’s life when he is thoroughly happy; just after he has met his first love and just after he has parted from his last one.” –H. L. Mencken

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?” –Bob Marley Quotes

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” –Carl Jung

“The gods conceal from men the happiness of death, that they may endure life.” –Lucan

“I know life was never meant to be easy.. but i never thought it would be this hard.” – Anonymous

“Courage and cheerfulness will not only carry you over the rough places in life, but will enable you to bring comfort and help to the weak-hearted and will console you in the sad hours.” –William Osler

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.” –Funny Life Quotes by Chris Rock

“The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss.” –Thomas Carlyle

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” – W. M. Lewis

“If you don’t know [your family’s] history, then you don’t know anything.

You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.” –Michael Chrichton

“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. ” –Anonymous

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ” –Mark Twain

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” –Helen Keller

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” –William James

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” –Harold Whitman

Sarcastic Funny Quotes On Life

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” –Winston Churchill

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” –Ursula K. Le Guin

“Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.” –Josh Billings

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln

“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.

We are spiritual beings on a human journey.” –Stephen Covey

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” –Cherokee Expression

Funny Inspirational Life Quotes

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” –Alexander Woollcott

“It’s a shallow life that doesn’t give a person a few scars.” –Garrison Keillor quotes

“The physical fabric of the world had to be such as to enable that ten billion year preliminary evolution to produce the raw materials of life. Without it there would not have been the chemical materials to allow life to evolve here on earth.” –John Polkinghorne quotes

Thanks to Internet, we don’t have any trouble finding information about anything like our ancestors have to. For our ancestors, the only place to find quotes is library. But today, we have bunch of resources to find information on any topic.